He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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