I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
