There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
