Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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