Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think your dad took our porno
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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