hotel room ftw
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
