some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
