Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
