i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
