non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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