i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
