Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
