I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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