i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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