You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Randomize
