Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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