I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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