Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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