Plan B is the new Plan A
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
NoShamevember. You game?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
