He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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