Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
