Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
