Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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