y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
