Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
