so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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