if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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