Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
