mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
operation have a gay friend backfired
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
