she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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