When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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