the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
