So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
