If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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