NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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