So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
