Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
