She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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