these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
