Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The adults are the big ones right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
