Someone shit on the floor
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
