Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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