well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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