The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
