so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
