Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i out mim tonsoeep
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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