i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I touched a dick in church today
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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