remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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