My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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