WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We have started to decorate penises.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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