I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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