how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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