i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
