So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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