I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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