My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
