my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
