I have demons in me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
