i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
