Non-Jews are for practice
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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