Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
